Dear noisy birthing mama,

published 28 February 2022

Dear noising birthing mama,

I see you working with your waves.

I see you being pulled under sometimes.

I see you rising up again.

Roaring.

Yelling. Screaming. Even cursing.

Releasing the power of your body into the universe.

Feeling the intensity of contractions in your very soul.

As your uterus bears down strongly, you “sing” along with the effort, voice rising and falling, body swaying in time to a rhythm only you can hear.

Your baby will be here soon.

And yet in the midst of all this, there might be that doubt that sticks in your mind, or that voice that second guesses your instincts.

“I’m being too noisy”

“I’m out of control”

“I need to be quiet for those with me”

“I’m supposed to BREATHE my baby out”

“I’m failing at my peaceful birth”

Dear mama, no. You’re not a failure.

Please, please don’t listen to that voice - the voice of years of birthing culture, TV stereotypes, feminine socialisation and conditioning, and male control. 

Instead listen to yourself: your inner woman who knows what challenges are and has met them before.

Listen to the new mother who is being birthed out of this moment.

What is she telling you?

Only you can feel what is going on inside your body. 

Do not try to separate yourself from pain and noise. Labour is hard work! Your toolkit doesn’t need to only contain “hypnobirthing” and “calm breathing” techniques. Movement and noise are there too! 

Acknowledge that your birth is as unique as you and your baby are - it’s totally yours. Don’t compare yourself to that heavily edited Youtube waterbirth “goddess” or the women who experienced birth differently.

This is your birth.

Accept it.

Process it.

Embrace it.

Head first into the intensity.

Crash through the waves.

Be broken down completely and rebuilt into a mother.

Come up for air, reborn.

Come up for air gasping and yelling and triumphant.

Your baby hears your voice and comes to you.

Receive your baby into your hands.

Mama.

--------------------------

My dear,

It is not better to be a calm, passive "civilised" patient than an instinctive, primal, active birthing woman. If you need to make noise to birth your baby safely and confidently, then do that unashamedly. Anyone who has a problem with you making noise does not deserve to witness the profound life changing rite of passage that birth is.

Anyone who would shame a woman for making noise while doing hard work and bringing sacred life into this world has no place anywhere near a birthing woman.

Choose your birth support wisely, that you may be truly supported and seen, really seen, as you birth -with or without noise.

These quotes below are really beautiful, and if you have the time, the full articles are worth a read. Your birth is perfect no matter how it occurs, because it is YOURS.

“Mothers articulate with these birthing contractions and the birthing song that began in early labor crescendos into magnificent aria. The mother’s voice may actually guide the baby to the end of the tunnel. These universal sounds may spur the baby on through his or her journey and create the natural excitement and tension that comes with reaching a goal.  

…..She may ask for help but I have noticed this is not the authentic need for someone to do something, rather it is the calling out to be witnessed in this hardest phase yet. Sometimes the presence of another person, especially one she loves and trusts, will restore calmness. And sometimes, the presence of another will allow her to feel safe and she will then rage to the end of the universe. Her personal tempest may take her far from ordinary reality. She will become the storm, become wild and incredibly powerful. Caregivers and partners may be amazed, even intimidated. Mother will find her way however it takes.

It’s important to note that birth does not look any particular way. Some moms are calm, some are wild. Some labors are fraught with pain, some are totally bearable, some are even orgasmic. I am not suggesting that any style of birth is better or more conscious than another. What I am saying is that when the mom is in her authentic power, no matter how that may appear, her birth is normal, natural and perfect for her. I am also saying that when a mom is imprinted by cultural or caregiver mores or prevented from accessing her instinctual wisdom, her experience of birth may be unbearable, agonizing, out of control, humiliating and shameful."

Whapio Dianne, The Matrona https://thematrona.com/the-holistic-stages-of-birth/  

"However, most women experience a point in their labour where they feel out of control, frightened and overwhelmed. Some call this ‘transition’, and it is usually a sign that birth is close. Victor Turner (1987, p.9) described the middle phase of a rite of passage as an ‘undoing, dissolution’ and a ‘decomposition’ [of the self] which is accompanied by the ‘processes of growth, transformation, and the reformulation of old elements in new patterns’. I think this is a good description of the transitional phase of labour. In addition, Michel Odent suggests that the intense fear and sense of ‘losing it’ experienced near the end of labour facilitates the physiological process of birth."

Rachel Reed, Midwife Thinking

https://www.google.com/amp/s/midwifethinking.com/2013/03/27/feel-the-fear-and-birth-anyway/%3famp 

“...what I am seeing with Laura and other mothers is heightening my respect for and understanding of our own abilities as women to find our babies at birth. When we do not rush through the moment of birth, but honor the pause that marks the center of this sequence, what happens, in my experience, seems to be nothing less than a paradigm shift of equal significance. For we are not only finding our babies, we are also finding ourselves as mothers, and finding our way into a new state of being.”

Mary Esther Malloy, Waiting To Inhale: How to Unhurry The Momement of Birth https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3209737/ 

"Some women feel that we’re playing a crunch-tastic birthing olympics game where you get birthy-points for not having any so-called “negative’ emotions during birth. Having a painless birth is great if that happens to you. But so is the birth where you’re clawing at your vagina, howling in pain screaming “I LIKE TO POOP!” because that feels right to you right then.  

…It’s your journey. It’s your show. It’s your story. Who cares if Nancy from Facebook had a painless, orgasmic birth? Nancy does! Be happy for Nancy.

….Birth isn’t about avoiding fear and pain at all costs. It’s about working through whatever you can, however you can, for as long or as short as you need to, and above all else…listening to your instincts."

Ashley Hurlburt, Funkin Birthin https://funkinbirthin.wordpress.com/2015/01/12/birthing-with-fear-and-pain-why-your-birth-was-still-perfect/